week reflection + flux

it was one of those weeks that went like this:

ever have one of those days where, for no particular reason at all, you’re like, “THIS is my life? how did I get so lucky that I get to live this life with these amazing people and have opportunities to do things that make me so very happy every single fucking day?!”

today is one of those days for me. #grateful

and the next day:

what am I doing? where am I going? is this the life I want to live? I feel so lost! aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

and, repeat.

it’s not to say I expect to live in a constant state of bliss where every day is amazing or that I never have weeks where one day is wonderful and another may not be quite so much (in fact, that’s basically the norm). but the stark dichotomy of the days that played out this week and the number it did to my emotional well-being were fairly significant. I found myself in my head — a lot — one minute doubting every decision I’ve made in the past six months and the next feeling such an overwhelming sense of joy for the life I live that it brought tears to my eyes. it’s a challenging state and I constantly longed for some sort of middle ground.

but, as I reflect on the week, I am reminded that nothing is permanent — the good, the bad, the middle ground. none of it. the world is in a constant state of flux. you are in a constant state of flux. I am in a constant state of flux. everything is in flux. flux is in flux. sometimes that flux has a more dramatic swing, as I experienced this week, and other times it’s more subtle. and the flux can be both comforting (during the not-so-pleasant moments) but also disheartening at those times you just want to hold on to a particular feeling forever. it’s always there though. it’s always happening. and the more we can learn to accept this and not hold on to the present — or push it away — but just be in it and experience it for the fleeting, very impermanent thing it is, the happier I think we’ll be.

be in it. feel it. live it. and then let it go.

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” ~Heraclitus

week in review
last week’s gratitude: friends
what I’m reading: The Mindfulness-Based Eating Solution
completed my ballot
sent birthday wishes to my favorite 12-year old
open enrollment + retirement planning + other adult-y tasks
read
started no-spend November
booked flight + hotel for upcoming conference in Vegas (work)
car serviced + enjoyed driving a kick ass loaner car
hosted a college friend
laughed so hard my face hurt at book club
dipped my toe back into the dating world
participated in Goodwill mock interviews
enjoyed a fun girls’ dinner + drinks
lots of time catching up with one of my besties
registered for eight-week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction course
enjoyed all the beauties of fall (pic 1, 3, 5)
registered for Hip Tranquil Chick 10
handed out candy to super cute neighborhood trick-or-treaters
grateful for beautiful sunrises to accompany my earlier-than-normal mornings (pic 3)
wrote + posted weekly reflection + strengths

weekend happenings + goals
host monthly Denver Creates
began process to submit writing + pics to Bella Grace magazine
read + write
attend friend’s 40th birthday celebration
continue no-spend November
move + be active