how to say ‘table for one’ in Italian

remember that time you went to Europe with your boyfriend and then found out mid-trip that he wasn’t at all the man you thought and you confronted him and the entire thing — relationship, trip — blew up in your face? no? is that just me?

so, yeah, I’m currently writing this 5,500 miles from home in a hotel room near Venice — solo, alone, just me, but actually doing pretty well considering —  because did I mention I’m in fucking Italy?  a country for which I have fallen 100 percent head over heels in the last few days. I made the trek across the pond with a man whom I thought I knew and loved very much based on that and now he is en route to Colorado while I remain to explore on my own for a few days, which is kind of really okay.

is this the way I would have wanted this trip to go? of course not. but, I am extremely grateful I had the courage to make a really hard decision — especially when it would have been much easier logistically to wait until home. I’m grateful I finally walked away, even though it meant giving up on something I had wanted so desperately to work.
and, while I won’t go into any of the details of the situation, I’m hoping putting this out into the world will lessen the where’s-the-boyfriend-how’s-the-boyfriend-did-you-guys-have-so-much-fun-on-your-trip questions. because, while Italy was ridiculously amazing, “we” did not have a good trip.

fortunately, despite everything that happened, I am enjoying the trip. I’ve been able to put aside somewhat what was/is happening and be in the moment and take it all in. and, for this I am truly grateful. because, WOW, there’s so much to take in.

adding to the list of gratitude is my support system, who even thousands of miles and multiple time zones away, have made every effort possible to make sure I’m okay. I love these people so much. and, the amazing Lufthansa representative who worked some sort of voodoo magic to get my rebooking down from $2,000 to $295. I owe that woman my first born. also, bonus points for her response to the portion of the call when I had to explain why it was just me rebooking and was crying slightly (seriously, it was the equivalent of holding back tears), “I cannot understand you when you are upset. are you okay? please calm down.” gotta love the Germans.

and, for those who may be worried about me, I assure you I am more than okay. in fact, I’m better than I have been in months. and I have all I need here until I return in a few days.

you know how people say “just think what a great story this will be someday?” well, I’m bound and determined to take back my story and have someday be today. I’m ready to accept my defeat with my head up and eyes ahead. and, while I’m not so naive to think true healing won’t take time, I am ready to put the past behind.

now, off to take advantage of the last 45 hours in Italia. un tavolo per uno, per favore.

So it’s gonna be forever
Or it’s gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it’s over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They’ll tell you I’m insane
‘Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game