silver linings

I consider myself a fairly optimistic person. I also like to think I’ve got a pretty good sense of self-awareness. one or both of these could be very wrong, in which case this entire post will be based on a fabrication (albeit, unintentional). but, for a more interesting story, let’s go with the rose-colored-glasses-wearing + self-aware me.

even assuming the above is true though, I, like most everyone else, can find myself in a funk once in a while. as was mentioned in my previous post, I had a rough few days at work last week. and, had I been operating from my usual baseline of confidence and positivity, I’m fairly certain the events would have been a minor blip on the radar. but, taking into consideration A LOT has taken place over the past few months, resulting in some fairly significant transitions, my current state was nothing short of wobbly.

too many people miss the silver lining because they’re expecting the gold. ~Maurice Setter

and then a few more not-so-great things happened and I found myself a sobbing ball of tears on my front porch last night. fast forward to this morning as I was sitting in a room filled with fellow potential jurors. something shifted. I looked around and realized we are all in this together, despite none of us presumably knowing one another. it reminded me that everything in this world is connected and that even when everything seems to be going wrong, there’s likely some good to be found.

and so, my goods from the past few not-so-good days:

locking myself out of the house while mowing the lawn // no keys + no wallet + no phone

• discovered a great group of people hanging out at the bar a few doors down from my house. they were super nice, despite my crying + looking like I just rolled out of bed.
• hung out with my neighbor and had a great conversation. despite sharing a wall for two years, we had yet to spend any time together. now I can’t wait to get to know her better!

attempting to help out + improve a process and it backfired

• the experience made me take a hard look at myself and reexamine how I deal with situations when things don’t go exactly as planned or my intentions are misconstrued.
• I discovered (or, reaffirmed) that I’m too hard on myself.
• I was reminded that not everyone is as gung-ho as me about process change and improvement and that I need to be patient — especially at a new company where I’m still learning the culture.

jury duty

• talked to some pretty interesting folks.
• enjoyed hanging out in a beautiful building.
• drank a cappuccino made by one of my new favorite people.
• came to the realization that I want to quit my job and just hang out with the coffee guy and have a little shop at the courthouse. (kidding. sort of.)
• being out of the office gave me some extra hours to process the events that took place on Thursday and Friday — and provided time for some emails to come through that made me feel much better about the situation.
• got to have lunch with my TDP.

change in living situation

• this one is different because the actual happening is a wonderful thing. I have a fabulous partner who is kind and considerate and thoughtful and just pretty darn amazing. however, I’ve been living solo for quite some time and have been known to be kind of set in my (super crazy clean and particular) ways. so having another human in my space — now our space — great as he is, has presented a few challenges for me.
• but, it’s forced me to think about how I live and to make improvements, including simplifying and getting ridding of a ton of shit.
• it’s a good practice in selflessness.
• I’ve realized a house that’s lived in is better than a house that’s clean.
• it’s been a reminder that things don’t have to be perfect to be good.

all of the above

although it was rough at the time and plenty of tears were shed, everything that has happened in the past few days has reaffirmed that I have the most amazing support system. from friends who listened and empathized to a boyfriend who was nothing short of amazing and is basically the most patient person I know to a room full of diverse strangers who made me feel a bit better about spending my Monday at jury duty when I really needed to be at work, I am so very grateful for every single one of them.

it was also all a great reminder that I’m going through a huge transitions. actually, lots of huge transitions. and that it’s not going to be perfect because I’m not and neither is anyone else or any situation. and to give myself some grace for it all being a bit messy (thanks to a great friend for reminding me of this). and that sometimes wobbly is okay.