The past week was not my best. It started on Sunday with a feeling of anxiousness paired with boredom sprinkled with a general sense of not giving a shit. This undesirable state is not a new one for me, however, I can typically see it coming and building to that point, which gives me time to prepare and take appropriate actions. This time was different.
There were no warning signs or preceding events to explain my mood. I simply woke up that morning kind of hating life and it took a few days to work through it — like, all week. And, my working through it was not pretty.
I was agitated and irritated and impatient and I had a very difficult time not letting these feelings rear their ugly heads through my actions. As a result, there were apologies, with additional ones forthcoming. My health also suffered a bit as I skipped workouts and fed my body pretty crappy food and quite a bit of booze.
And then, just as quickly and unexpectedly as it had come, the feelings dissipated and I felt like myself again, for the most part.
I realize everyone has bad days, weeks, even months and years, but as someone who went through a difficult depression in my early 20s, waking up feeling like I did on Sunday was all too familiar (and scary). Although it has been more than 10 years, the past week resulted in a very real and unwelcome reminder of that time in my life.
So, I did something I didn’t do right away 10 years ago — I faced the reality of how I was feeling head-on instead of attempting to bury it. I talked about it with friends. I called my sis and her kiddos (it’s amazing the positive effect a conversation with one of these little people can have on my mood). I read books. I journaled. I made myself stick to plans and attend events I had in my calendar even when I would rather have been sitting on my couch stuffing my face with unhealthy foods and watching TV in an attempt to numb the feelings.
I also made a deal with myself: if I didn’t feel better in a few days, I would make an appointment with a therapist. And, I followed through on that deal.
Although it wasn’t the best week, I managed to check off a few items on the to-do list and accomplished a few goals . . .
week in review
There’s no starting over, no new beginnings, time races on
And you’ve just gotta keep on keeping on
Gotta keep on going, looking straight out on the road
Can’t worry ’bout what’s behind you or what’s coming for you further up the road
I try not to hold on to what is gone, I try to do right what is wrong
I try to keep on keeping on
Yeah I just keep on keeping on. ~My Silver Lining, First Aid Kit
week in review
solo artist date browsing books at Barnes & Nobles
purchased Mindfulness: An eight week plan for finding peace in a frantic world
traveled to Colorado’s beautiful western slope + spent time exploring accompanied by the most amazing radio station ever
sent birthday card + present to my favorite 10 year-old
completed my ballot
enjoyed a beautiful fall run in my neighborhood
attended book club
celebrating the completion of a friend’s new home
cleaned house + laundry
made therapy appointment
celebrated Halloween + dinner with friends followed by copious amounts of dancing
devoured “Not That Kind of Girl”
penned blog post: week in review
two more skeeball losses (but we had fun doing it)
successful first planning/strategy/reflection day at work (blocking off last Thursday of each month)
re-read + reflected on works from two of my favorite authors: This Is Water, Letters to a Young Poet
redesign of Trajectory of a Life
productive work week
weekend wish list
complete “balance for busy people” e-course
nurse slight post-Halloween hangover
two one workout s (see above entry)
forgive myself for having a bad week
host LuLaRoe party
recommit to healthy / whole eating
begin mindfulness book / plan
record notes from nutrition seminar (holdover from last week)
silent auction donation letters for upcoming Denver Voice event
buy next book club read: “The Red Tent“